I Was Diagnosed with PCOS. Let's Talk About That

First, a little explanation.

Since Joseph and I have been married, we both knew that we would love to have a decent sized family...seven children to be exact. He grew up with a lot of siblings and I had three and I love them a lot. We just wanted to the same for our children - to have siblings.

Fast forward to February 2016. We decide that we want to start having kids. I delve into research and ask other mothers questions like, how long does it take and what is normal. From what I gathered 6 months was pretty normal. 

I tried my best to patient but every month grew harder and harder. I saw my friends having babies left and right and people who got married after me were already pregnant and having children of their own. My heart ached and still, I knew that there other women out there who have been trying longer. I tried to quash my sorrow, but every month my excitement was torn to shreds before my eyes. I thought maybe the disappointment each month would get easier, but it never really does.

In November 2016 I was having an annual check up and I asked my doctor about it. At this point it had been over 6 months. She decided to have me take a blood test to check and see if everything was alright because by her opinion, we should have been pregnant already.

December came and so did my results. I had PCOS. What is PCOS, you might ask? PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. A quick google search will tell you,

 "Higher than normal androgen levels in women can prevent the ovaries from releasing an egg (ovulation) during each menstrual cycle, and can cause extra hair growth and acne, two signs of PCOS."

 In reality, PCOS can vary from woman to woman and it actually more common than you think. It just seems that no one talks about it. My particular form is the one mentioned above - my body doesn't ovulate. Well, at least right now it's not. After my diagnoses I was prescribed Femara. This was supposed to help my body ovulate. It is now March and alas, I am still not pregnant.

It has now been a year. 

This month my prescription has been changed to Clomid. Clomid is supposed to help my body produce and release an egg. I am hopeful that it will work in the next coming months so that Joe and I can have a growing family.

I am writing this because I feel that this topic have been deemed a taboo. Infertility struggles are a hard topic to tackle and I just hope that this story reaches someone who needs it. There is hope (thank you modern medicine). Hold on, your time will come. Just as I struggle to wait for my time and have hope that something will work, you too, can hope for the best and stay strong.

Spiritual Running

Something really crazy happened to me the other day, but first, a quick back story.

In December I lost my beloved Grandpa Dallas Mangum. He was a really good man and he loved to play the guitar. At his funeral I didn't cry. I knew he was someplace better than here. However, just after Christmas I was driving around St. George. A song came on by Fleetwood Mac; the song is called, "Go Your Own Way." For some inexplicable reason it reminded me of my grandpa and caused me to cry. (It's also a very catchy song)

                                 

                                    

Now fast forward to last week. I added this song to my list of classic rock songs that I enjoy working out to and the strangest thing happened. I was running on the treadmill and this song came on and I began to run faster. My mind brought up visuals of my grandfather before my eyes and suddenly I was on the verge of crying. And then it happened, I was no longer running for myself or to be fit. I was running for him, one of the greatest men I know, my grandpa. In fact, I ran faster than I have for awhile and I didn't stop. I put that song on again right after it ended and I kept running for him.

At last we come up to the crazy thing that happened. I was sitting in my Contemporary Native American Issues class. Somehow we had gotten on to the topic of Hopi runners. Not only does this tribe run for competition, but for religious/ceremonial reasons. They run for their people. My teacher, Dusty Jansen recounted a story of when he ran an ultra marathon. He recalled that on his way back to the finish line he was making deals with God to finish this race. As he turned the corner, his little girls called out to him, "Go daddy!" He proceeded to cry and they came and ran with him to the finish. When he reached his wife, he was sobbing. It had become a spiritual experience for him.

And that's what happened to me. Running became so much more than just working out or trying to lose weight. It transcended all temporal and became spiritual. It became a memorial, a dedication to my grandpa and maybe even to all my family past, present, and future.

I really hope that when I run from now on that I'm not just running for something like losing weight, but for myself, my family, and my God.

I dedicate this entry to my grandma: Judy Mangum

A Look Into Today

I've been away from the blog for some time now and felt it was time to come back.

Right now, I'm in my second semester into the Social Work program at UVU. So many things race through my head all day and all night. The central theme of these thought that I carry home from school are: Who am I? What am I? What do I want to become? Who do I want to become?

It might be helpful seeing as one of my assignments this year in my diversity class is finding out who I am and my biases and then working on removing them. It might be tough to find biases in myself. What I mean is, I know I have them, but it might be tough to face them. Time will tell.

I've decided to come back to blogging to express myself and share my artwork, school work, and community work with friends, family, and anyone who needs to see it.

A view from my apartment

Recently, the snowy weather has reminded me how much I like to write poems and use words to express my thoughts. Here is a little haiku I wrote just now:

Waking Up - A Haiku

How still the air is

As I wake from dreamy sleep

Sun beams through windows

I'm hopeful that I can continue to be creative while being so busy with classes and homework and I hope that, maybe, it will inspire someone else as other's creative work has inspired me.